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Choose Happiness First

Have you ever wished for or wanted something because it would make you happy? When you got it, were you happy and for how long? If what you did or received didn't bring you the happiness you anticipated - why?

I first met him in grade school; Brian always talked about being married and having two children. Throughout the years it was what he most talked about; how happy he was going to be. When he finished school, got a job, married someone he loved and had children; he would be the happiest person in the world.

School was not easy for Brian, he was small in stature and the bullies loved to pick on him. The more difficult school became for him, the more he would drift into his imagination and envision his new life after graduation. If it was going to happen it would have to be later as he was just not popular with the girls in school or anyone else. Withdrawn and unnoticed he struggled through 12 years of hell, just surviving, and except for me; friendless.

As his friend I wanted him to be happy and I also looked to his new found happiness when he finished school. What a wonderful life he was going to have with his family and friends. We talked about how his wife would look and how she would love him and take care of him.
His children filled with love for Dad would be totally devoted to him and they would follow him around like puppies. Brian had big dreams and absolute faith that life would be easier and filled with happiness once he had what he wanted. Twelve years of struggle finally ended on his graduation. He refused to attend the ceremonies and gave the thumb up gesture to the whole idea.

Brian quickly found a job and made a down payment on his first car. This was a symbol for him as the very first step in finding his long overdue happiness. Just over three weeks into his job, he met a girl and started dating, and six weeks later he was married. Ten months later Brian proudly introduced his son to the world and 18 months later a daughter.

Brian's whirlwind tour had netted him everything that he wanted except for one thing. A few years into his marriage Brian was not happy, in fact he was never so miserable in his life. Nothing he did or had brought him the happiness he so desperately wanted. His relationships with his wife, children and even his car were not happy ones.

Psychologists would look back to his childhood and suggest many things contributed to his present situation. On the surface I would agree with them. However, I look to the root causes and break things down to their simplest denominator.

On the surface his family relations may not have been very positive. His relationships with his siblings could have contributed to his negative attitude. His small frame and frail appearance may have disempowered him. But these are all physical attributes of a life he manifested that was not filled with happiness. From the beginning the reality of all these things was that he did not choose happiness first.

Brian disempowered himself to be happy by attaching happiness to things and events that were going to happen in the future. Brian had become quite comfortable with not being happy. So in every moment of his young life he decided he would be happy later. Happiness for him was outside of himself; it was something that would come as a package later.

The truth is we are not victims of circumstances; we create them. It is not correct to judge Brian's life as being wasted. In fact his life was lived exactly the way he chose. At some level of consciousness he chose not to be happy now, but to set a goal to be happy in the future. Judgment ignores the destiny of the spirit; what the spirit has chosen to experience; what we observe of one's life is always appropriate in the moment. Brian's struggle in the beginning could well lead him to total bliss in the future or not. I don't know what it is that Brian wanted to experience in the physical life, and apparently he didn't know either. Every step we make leads to another, sometimes the step seems to lead away from our destiny, but this is not possible. All steps lead to a final destination.

Happiness doesn't come to us; we are happy by nature. In the reverse order we think of happiness first then seek to express or demonstrate it physically; this is not the way Brian chose. It still does not mean that what he chose would not bring him happiness if we are to look at the greater picture. It may well mean a side step to happiness that will have greater meaning and expression.

The reason Brian didn't experience his happiness in his choices was because he had no power to make it happen. He gave away his power to people and events and it was not delivered. There are no things, events or people in the world who can "make" us happy. Our emotions are triggered by our perspective; how we see ourselves in relationship to others and our environment. A happy event for one can be just the opposite for another. When we leave our emotions to the whims of others we will always be disappointed.

Brian could have been happy at any point in his life if he had chosen to be. With the thought of happiness as his current desire, he would have drawn people, places and things to him that would reflect his happiness. What he chose was a different way to demonstrate his journey to the awareness of happiness and his own power to manifest it.

All of us have heard someone say "If only I had this or that" I would be happy. Think back a bit; were they happy and if so, for how long? After the initial happiness, did they go into depression, disappointment, anger or some other emotion; most likely. Somewhere along the way after the event, they chose to feel some other way. Happiness attached to a thing or event does not last if it was not preceded by the will to be happy. If the awareness of happy is attached to an object or event, then once you have it you have reached the end of your journey. Even if the happiness remains for some time, when the object or event is removed the attached happiness will disappear as well. The awareness may remain in memory for a period until it is forgotten. To last, the awareness of happy would have to precede the event and the physical manifestation would be the symbol of that happiness.

Can Brian ever be happy; of course, it's simply about choice? Can he be happy with his present circumstances; of course? He can change his thoughts about what he has or is experiencing and turn his life around. He can also leave behind what he already has, if it does not reflect his true feelings. It certainly may not be easy, or maybe it would be if he chose happy first, and then decided to act on it. It may very well come easy for him to start a new life that reflects his current feelings of happiness.

Happiness, sounds, looks, feels, smells, and tastes different to everyone. No two people identify with it the same way. The real truth is that happiness is expressed through these senses differently not the other way around. The senses react to the desire to be happy.

There are a couple of things to remember here. Happiness precedes the physical manifestation of it. You are always happy by nature and you choose to experience it or any other emotion in your own unique way. Thought, word, and deed are the steps to creating your experience. Never depend on anyone or anything to bring you happiness - it isn't going to happen.

Know this; you are the creator of all things you will experience. No person or god has any control over you. You are a victim only if it is what you wish to experience at some level of your consciousness.

In all things you create, be aware of what it is you "really" desire as very few people actually know what they want. Also, if happy is all that you are, you will never experience it. Happy is only relative to unhappiness, you must know both in order to experience either one. Choose the one you most wish to experience.

What Is False Will Make You Suffer…

So often we get caught up in the idea that it’s what’s outside of us that is causing our suffering, and if we could make changes to those aspects, life would be better. We think that if our father wasn’t so angry – we could get along better with him, or express our love more deeply. We imagine that if we had another job we would look forward to work and express our creativity more fully. We tell our friends that if we had a relationship with someone who was supportive of our goals and aspirations, rather than someone who did not understand us, everything would be different.

Well, the truth is that life is not perfect according to what we might imagine in our minds. It is filled with folks who have their own mind and point of view about all kinds of issues. People have wounds and sore spots that we aren’t always aware of, and they express themselves through the filter of these wounds. It would be nice if our parents were kind and loving, our partners in our personal and business lives were supportive of our creative abilities, and if people honored our desires and wishes in life.

It’s not likely that these people will manifest change tomorrow. Therefore, waiting for tomorrow to be happy is not a very productive life strategy! As spiritually aware people we must take responsibility for how we chose to create our lives despite what others are doing and saying. Yes, it’s possible to express out love to our father even if he is an angry person. If we wait for him to change first – we could be waiting into our next lifetime! No, we must make the effort first because we want to love and because our love is not based upon what someone else is doing – in other words it is unconditional.

The same applies to waiting to express ourselves fully in life, or waiting for the people in our life to change, or support our dreams and desires. We must be the action in life, not the reaction. When we wait for others to take action first, we make ourselves the reaction to their actions. But if we believe that we create our reality and that we hold divine power – then we will take responsibility for being the action and allow the others in our life to be the reaction. Once you change they will do so in kind – although you must be patient and allow them to adjust to your changes. Give them time to digest your change in actions so that they can create new reactions. Then you can evaluate from there whether or not your actions need tweaking.

Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj once said: It is always the false that makes you suffer, the false desires and fears, the false values and ideas, the false relationships between people. Abandon the false and you are free of pain; truth makes happy, truth liberates. Wise words! It’s time we see the falsehood in our thinking and recognize the truth. We create our own suffering from these false ideas and ways of framing our lives. It’s up to us to make those changes right now, and take responsibility for life and the stories we tell ourselves about it.

Forgiveness Is Essential To Happiness

We hear so much about forgiveness, in our churches, on Oprah, in new age magazines, but do we truly understand what the big deal about forgiveness is? We read that if we forgive others and ourselves we are doing our spiritual work and becoming better people, but what does that mean to us? You can forgive that guy you dated a while back until you run into him someplace and then you want to wreak revenge on him. You can forgive your parents for your horrible childhood but as soon as you get on the phone with your Dad you are arguing just like you always have. So, what good is forgiveness anyway?

The key to forgiveness is to forgive from the heart not from the mind. Knowing in your rational mind that your parents did the best they could to raise you is not enough to constitute forgiveness. That is why every time you are with your Dad you still argue. If you really forgave him you would not be reacting that way. You would have compassion for his dream and understand that he is just expressing his point of view. If you truly let go of the pain of your childhood, your self-importance, and your need to be right about your point of view, you would not be taking him personally any more. If you were not taking him personally you would not be angry and it would not be necessary to punish him by behaving like an angry child. It behooves us to look at ourselves with honesty and objectivity. You can say you have forgiven someone in your life, but the proof is in the pudding.

If you have an emotional reaction in the presence of someone, your heart is telling you that you have not resolved your issues with them. In other words, you have not truly forgiven that person. All of this begs the question, how do we forgive? First, cease lying to yourself and stop telling yourself stories about why you behave the way you do. Stop blaming your behavior on other people and take responsibility for your emotional reactions. If you could forgive all the people in your life who have hurt or wounded you it would be possible to be in control of your behavior instead of being in reaction to other people all of the time. Imagine living life without experiencing a constant emotional rollercoaster of pain, anger, and jealousy! That would be bliss!

The important thing is to have awareness of what has transpired and be able to tell yourself the truth about it. Have you truly forgiven or has your rational mind been telling you a story that you have? Once you have determined what is truth and what is a justification, you are ready for the next step. Second, look at your life with clarity. Try to see what happened in your past, not only from your point of view, but also from the other person’s point of view. We need to be able to walk in the other persons shoes to understand why things happened the way they did. That doesn’t mean you have to agree with what they did or how they did it. Not at all. Your values and beliefs may be very different from theirs. All this means is that you can see the whole truth of what happened and the whole truth encompasses all points of view, not just your own.

Take some time to listen to how you tell the story of your life. Perhaps it would be helpful to journal the story of a particular time in your life that you have been challenged by. Listen to what you have written. Does it sound like you were victimized by your circumstances? Be objective, if someone heard your story would they say someone did you wrong, that you are resentful, vengeful and angry? If so, this is your first clue that you are seeing things from only one point of view. Why? Well, if you felt like someone hurt you then obviously you took the other persons actions personally. You assumed you knew why they did what they did according to your point of view and your beliefs about their words or actions. Chances are that your interpretation of what the other person did or said was not what the other person had in mind when they interacted with you. The key is to imagine what happened from their point of view.

If I say that my husband cheated on me and ruined our marriage and hurt me, I am only telling part of the story. What about my responsibility for my half of the relationship? It is doubtful that I was a vision of loveliness throughout the entire marriage. I had to contribute half of that relationship because all relationships take the contribution of both parties. When I can see both sides clearly, and have compassion for my husband, I can forgive him. But if I am attached to my victim point of view and blame everything on him, forgiveness will never come. Chances are I will bring my anger and resentment into my next relationship as well. This scenario applies to all human interactions in our lives. Rape, physical, emotional and mental abuse, cheating, violence, etc… are all included. Yes, even what we judge to be the most heinous of human activities can be forgiven.

Seeing things with the eyes of truth means that you stop judging the activities of others and, instead, take responsibility for your interpretation of those activities. It means being responsible for how you write the story of what happened. I could say yes, my husband cheated on me in our marriage but, gosh, I was not aware of how my actions impacted our situation. We both had a lot to learn from that relationship. I am glad I can see what happened clearly and have gratitude for the opportunity to grow and become a better person. even if it hurt pretty badly for a while. The key word here is gratitude! We judge everything that happens in life as good or bad, right or wrong. The truth is life just happens, and life is exactly as it is. As long as we are always judging others and life situations according to our point of view, we will never be able to have gratitude for the challenges and experiences life sends our way. No matter how enlightened a person you may be, things will always happen in life. People you love will die, relationships will come and go, the stock market will crash and rise, your car may be totaled but, if you have gratitude for life’s challenges, you will always be writing a beautiful happy story of your life! Even better, you will never feel victimized by your circumstances.

You may think I am living my life in a fairy tale, but I assure you I’m not. We have been domesticated to process our life in a certain way. If you don’t believe me just watch one soap opera on TV. Everyone is stressed out, creating drama, having emotional outbursts, screaming and arguing, defending their points of view, and generally creating a life of misery! Soap operas are popular because they mimic our lives. I am suggesting a different way of perceiving life, one without judgment and with the ability to see the points of view of other people and to see beliefs other than your own. One where you take responsibility for your mind and what it thinks and, as a result of this internal chatter, how you choose to react to any situation. When you can truly see the other person’s point of view then you can forgive from the heart. True compassion of the human experience is the place from which forgiveness begins. Compassion is an act of love that is free of attachment. Of course, the kind of love I am talking about is unconditional love.

Once you have seen the truth you must make the decision to let go of the pain, anger, and resentment you have been holding on to. This requires you to take action. If you are attached to your pain, resentment, and self-righteousness, and addicted to your emotional reactions, this will be a difficult step for you. Taking action requires letting go of the very thing you have been holding on to for so many years. There is comfort in what we find familiar, even if we are experiencing pain and suffering. The pain and suffering itself becomes the familiarity we seek. It takes absolute faith in yourself plus courage, will, and discipline to let go. But once you let go, it will as if the weight of the world has been taken off your shoulders. In this process it is important to forgive not just the others in our lives, but also ourselves. For most people, giving ourselves the gift of forgiveness is very challenging.

• Forgive yourself for using people in your life to hurt yourself.
• Forgive yourself for not having clarity, for blaming others, and for not taking responsibility for your actions.
• Forgive yourself for wounding others and for the anger, jealousy, and hate you directed toward others.
• Forgive yourself for participating in situations that went against your integrity.
• Forgive yourself for not respecting yourself.
• Forgive yourself for not trusting yourself and having faith in your abilities.
• Forgive yourself for trying to control the people you love.
• And, of course, forgive yourself for not loving yourself 100% just the way you are!

More than once my teacher, don Miguel Ruiz, said “In order to merge with spirit your heart must be as light as a feather.” Well, when you have finally detached from the anger, resentment, and pain of your story your heart will feel as light as a feather. Not only that, but for the first time in your adult life you will be happy, truly happy, and your life will reflect the change back to you in every way. After all what we think in our minds is what manifests in our lives! The bottom line is that we forgive because we love ourselves so much that we want to give ourselves the gift of personal freedom. We forgive not because the other person necessarily deserves it, but because we do not want to carry that load around until we die. Anger, hate, and jealousy will make you old, resentful and ugly, inside and out. The question is, how much do you love and respect yourself? Is it enough to give yourself the gift of forgiveness? I hope so.

Speak Good News Everyday

Tired of being tired especially when you just finished your vacation? Has life lost its meaning? Waiting for the anti-depressant drugs to start working? Hoping for some good news? Want a change in attitude… try speaking good news today!

When you think about a new baby, a marriage, a new kitten, a good medical report, a promotion, a vacation, an anniversary, a birthday, a new car, a graduation, and or a family reunion? Do the super emotional feelings of giving sharing and love ring a good tone? When you hear these words, how does it make you feel? For most, hearing good news, brings a gift of joy to the heart?

What is it that you normally hear daily? Gasoline prices going up, a divorce, a bad health report, a shooting, a robbery, a bad economy, a job loss, cost of living increasing, a foreclosure, crime, loss of a relative and so many other depressing thoughts that cover the daily newspaper, magazines, and TV. It’s the main topic of conversation and gossip that most everyone is endlessly talking about.

We hear it when we get up, all through the day, while we eat and when we are going to sleep. It’s constant and just never seems to end. In fact, just when you thought how bad could it get, a breaking news story captures your attention. It’s always bad and negative news, and actually more craziness than you care to know. When does it all stop?

When is the last time that you heard any…good news? When is the last time that you heard of a good deed being done for someone else? A heartfelt story that left you welling up a bit, on hearing a great human-interest story that had a live happily they’re after ending? It’s enjoyable to share good news with others.

A parent and child reunited after years of estrangement, a survivor of a serious medical disease, or your best friend’s marriage that was heading to divorce court was miraculously reconciled, and they are living happily as newly weds.

Ever wonder why so many people are so negative in their attitudes, and on a perpetual prescription of anti-depressant drugs? The effects of what they see, read and hear are having a devastating affect on our society today.

Soooo, what’s my point now that I have you stirred up and thinking?

When all this negative news is captured and internalized by the reader, what is their first reaction to it all? Not surprising…better repeat it and tell someone else.

Just suppose…that you didn’t repeat it? I know what you are thinking…
But hear me out, what is the worst that would happen if someone might not know immediately, then what? With all the media coverage, how could one not know?

Besides, there are no such re-reporting awards! Does it make any sense to serve up another heaping portion of bad news to a person that is already on a depression overload? Remind you of some that you may know?

Changes in attitude with good intentions is healthy and a healing medicine.

Try this…Speak Good News. Try it for a day and see the improved results in not only your life, but also in the lives of others around you!

Speak good news? What the heck is that? Where in this crazy world can I ever find some good news to speak? ….Want to learn more about speaking good news? Please visit my website to satisfy your curiosity. Speak the good news to others, and feel the gift of joy re-enter into your life. Need some joy today?

Speak Good News Today

Tired of being tired especially when you just finished your vacation? Has life lost its meaning? Waiting for the anti-depressant drugs to start working? Hoping for some good news? Want a change in attitude… try speaking good news today!

When you think about a new baby, a marriage, a new kitten, a good medical report, a promotion, a vacation, an anniversary, a birthday, a new car, a graduation, and or a family reunion? Do the super emotional feelings of giving sharing and love ring a good tone? When you hear these words, how does it make you feel? For most, hearing good news, brings a gift of joy to the heart?

What is it that you normally hear daily? Gasoline prices going up, a divorce, a bad health report, a shooting, a robbery, a bad economy, a job loss, cost of living increasing, a foreclosure, crime, loss of a relative and so many other depressing thoughts that cover the daily newspaper, magazines, and TV. It’s the main topic of conversation and gossip that most everyone is endlessly talking about.

We hear it when we get up, all through the day, while we eat and when we are going to sleep. It’s constant and just never seems to end. In fact, just when you thought how bad could it get, a breaking news story captures your attention. It’s always bad and negative news, and actually more craziness than you care to know. When does it all stop?

When is the last time that you heard any…good news? When is the last time that you heard of a good deed being done for someone else? A heartfelt story that left you welling up a bit, on hearing a great human-interest story that had a live happily they’re after ending? It’s enjoyable to share good news with others.

A parent and child reunited after years of estrangement, a survivor of a serious medical disease, or your best friend’s marriage that was heading to divorce court was miraculously reconciled, and they are living happily as newly weds.

Ever wonder why so many people are so negative in their attitudes, and on a perpetual prescription of anti-depressant drugs? The effects of what they see, read and hear are having a devastating affect on our society today.

Soooo, what’s my point now that I have you stirred up and thinking?

When all this negative news is captured and internalized by the reader, what is their first reaction to it all? Not surprising…better repeat it and tell someone else.

Just suppose…that you didn’t repeat it? I know what you are thinking…
But hear me out, what is the worst that would happen if someone might not know immediately, then what? With all the media coverage, how could one not know?

Besides, there are no such re-reporting awards! Does it make any sense to serve up another heaping portion of bad news to a person that is already on a depression overload? Remind you of some that you may know?

Changes in attitude with good intentions is healthy and a healing medicine.

Try this…Speak Good News. Try it for a day and see the improved results in not only your life, but also in the lives of others around you!

Speak good news? What the heck is that? Where in this crazy world can I ever find some good news to speak? ….Want to learn more about speaking good news? Please visit my website to satisfy your curiosity. Speak the good news to others, and feel the gift of joy re-enter into your life. Need some joy today?




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